This post was meant to be a quicky because it has to save someone.
I’m not the kind of guy that’ll keep ranting about Jubilee and NASA 32 hours a day, in a whatsapp group. I’m not that type of guy. For all I care that thing doesn’t put pilau on my table (I love pilau so much). Hit me up at 2 am and tell me there’s a plate of pilau sitting in your room and I swear, the next time we exchange a word, I’ll be at your doorstep. Anyhow, I know people who can discuss Jubilee and NASA politics the whole week and will never tire. Ok, I’m not saying discussing Jubilee and NASA politics is bad, infact it’s the healthiest debate any Kenyan could engage in. What bothers me is that 99.999795% of guys that contribute to Jubilee and NASA discussions either on whatsapp groups or along the way, have Always depicted some sort of Tribal Inclinination towards the side they support. It kills me to see elites, guys who have spent at least 12 years (8 years in primary and 4 in high school) receiving knowledge and education, guys who the society respects and looks up to for wise decisions now turning into tribal cocoons. Look, in these Jubilee NASA (P.S I intend to use “Jubilee and NASA” 92 more times) debates, Kuyus have always stood in for Jubilee because they have their own at the helm of Jubilee leadership, in the same light, their Luo counterparts always step in to back NASA because of the same obvious reasons. Kales the same thing. I recently realized this term “Uthamaki” that Kuyus are so much obsessed with (dunno it’s meaning though, the devil knows!) that is going to cost us a Nation. I stopped doing that shit a couple of years ago when free primary education was introduced, I think I was in class three then (though Jubilee and NASA had not seen their inception yet). Those were days when a vice president couldn’t use their position to grab public facilities like land and stuff, days when presidents and their vices didn’t have to open other private bank accounts and increase their salaries in the midst of a collapsing economy, days when stepping in campus guaranteed you a cool cool job, days when honeys dated a guy because of love, not because they wanted to make you their major source of financial income. Ok guys, it’s not like I’m planning to add a ‘Politics’ category in this blog. Far from it. I swear this is the only political affiliated post you’ll ever encounter in this blog. But, you see, last year around April when I turned 21, I started thinking straight, as in thinking straight not straight cause I’ve never been gay. That’s when the need to discuss things that matter took over me. Things that matter include discussing stuff like politics (good governance and leadership, not Jubilee and NASA), planning my future, working on my career and planning how to quit Arsenal for a better team.
Whenever I travel upcountry, besides folk inquiring how Nairobi is and whether Times Towers is still the tallest building in Kenya (from their social studies point of view) and how tall it is to be considered the tallest building, like in case somebody slips from the top of it and falls down do they turn into chapatis? And I giggle and pat them on the shoulder and say, I’ve personally never witnessed anybody fall from there so I don’t know man, then one of them says, if that’s the case then I’ll never eat chapatis from Nairobi, and we talk about that for the next 40 minutes. (I’m sure nobody got that). Besides that, they also engage me in questions like “who should we vote in come August?” Whenever I encounter such serious questions, normally, I have to clear my voice, then turn to the questioner, look them in the eye, then inform them that that’ll be a lengthy discussion so we should schedule it for a later date. Later, that date happens and we engage soberly (without involving NASA and Jubilee) and maturely leaving no stone unturned. After such a healthy discussion, everyone gulps down the remaining contents in their glasses and bang the now empty glasses on the table, then we all arise, exchange firm handshakes and back pats (you know that guys greeting that involves a handshake, a hug, and a pat on the back) then we walk out talking about more pressing issues like whether Wenger should quit Arsenal or not. You see, all these mature discussions, courtesy of turning 21.
And by the way since I turned 21 talking to mzee became an event. An event like no other, or like travelling to Western Kenya. Lads who’re lucky to hail from there know what I mean. That thing is tiring man! It’s not like traveling to Nyeri where you just wake up one afternoon feeling bored because your channel subscription expired and you have no funds to top up, so you go to tao and board a 14-seater Nissan and within 20 minutes you are already taking a cup of uji and mokimo, home sweet home. Traveling to Western doesn’t happen that way. Noooo! It involves crucial procedure, like you have to go online or to tao to book an Easy Coach, or a Guardian Angel, or a Transline, or a Modern Coast. As if booking isn’t enough, arrive at their bus offices 2 minutes later and you’ll find the bus gone. After which you’ll remain there staring at your ticket (which cost 1500 Bob but can’t help you now) because those bus companies have fleets of over 100 buses heading the same direction but once the bus inscribed on your ticket (bus K) leaves you behind, well you can as well go on and call for a nationwide strike or file a petition in court. I was telling you something about when I turned 21 but looks like this paragraph wasn’t comfortable enough to accommodate it. What if we pushed it to the next para? Will you be ok with it, please? Ok. Hurray!
So ever since I attained 21 years, my dad and I can even go a whole month straight without communicating and nobody cares. One month with no single call, no single text, and it’s not like he has an instagram handle that I can log onto in the dead of the night when I’m feeling lowly and lonely and go through his teenage pics with his gorgeous missus. I mean forget that. Either, it’s not like ati I can just fight over some girl, get bruised and call to notify him of such impediments. (Is that even worth a discussion?) We only call each other when we have crucial information to share and when such times come, we talk freely like we are brothers. Sometimes you hit him up when you want to notify him that there’s this bird in the neighborhood that is denying you sleep but you haven’t figured out the best way to pin it down, or when you want his buddy’s number for whatever reasons, not when you want to discuss Jubilee and NASA. Recently he called me to discuss my sister’s ambitions – she told him she wants to be an air-hostess (I’ve always had problems spelling that word). So I convinced him that I’d convince her to scale up her dreams though deep inside I knew I wasn’t fit for the task, because come on, she has her reasons for that career. Maybe she wants to marry a pilot and the only way she can achieve that is to work in the same environment with pilots, where one or two pilots will be struck by her classy dressing style, her killer looks, her good manners. Or maybe she wants to date a guy who isn’t occupied by Jubilee /NASA politics and I bet pilots have more constructive stuff to discuss than the somewhat tribal based Jubilee and NASA sweet nothings.
If you’ve been following our posts here you must have realized that this post is so different from all other posts. I’ve also noticed that by the way and I think it’s because we’ve breached the contract. Because we are tackling a strange topic today: Jubilee Vs NASA politics and we are coercing Jubilee and NASA partisans to start withdrawing tribal inclinations from their arguments just step by step, who knows maybe after kitu two months hivi, we’ll all be discussing politics soberly without tribal inclinations. And I guess that’s the major moral of this piece. You see, my tribesman being the president or the vice president makes me no superior to you. Let’s assume I’m a Maasai, the fact that my fellow Maasai is the President of the Republic of Kenya doesn’t make me gain any more kilograms. I’ll remain to be 35Kgs (I checked my weight yesterday at Rongai and that machine indicated I was 35Kgs) unless I look for a job and work on my life. A fellow Maasai’s presidency won’t have anything to do with me.