Owiti ( use Jaymo) is one of my guys, we one too many times kick out of town on lazy days to explore which hotel prepares the best chapos. Hunnies, Ringers’s HELB and liquor tops his favorites list. Guy has a great dressing style. He’s one of those guys you don’t want to walk around with because you’ll never arrive at your destination in time – not when every hunny you meet in the streets wants to spend 30 minutes hugging him and later extend her freaking right hand to greet you. Jaymo is that guy all campus boys wanna be. When the rest of us are fasting and casting our humble prayers unto God for such a prolonged dry spell, Jaymo on the other hand utilizes that time adjusting his `timetable’ to ensure the Third World War doesn’t take place in his magnificent bedsitter.

The other day he found me pondering over this (not so beautiful) hunny that I’ve been trying to pin down for the past three years. Not so beautiful because when it comes to scouting for wives, manners and dressing come first then the rest follow. The rest here entails important things like beauty and other details. That hunny had just unblocked me for the 11th time now, but the rate at which I was receiving blue ticks was so alarming. So Jaymo walks into my pad and finds me seated at my favorite spot besides the window. I’m in a green T-shirt, purple shorts and in grey socks cause the floor is too cold. On the table in front of me is a soap dish, and on its right lies my lovely Tecno W4 which happens to be the source of all this stress. Anyway, because this is Jaymo’s post let’s stick to his stuff. Ama namna gani?

So he walks in and right away starts pouring out complains of how some hunny lately looks him funny whenever they meet. But that’s not even important, let’s skip to relevant things.

You see, given 24 hours to manage Jaymo’s lifestyle, your pockets will run dry within the first 20 minutes – that’s unless you happen to be a  relative to one of the Eurobond or Afya scandle beneficiaries. Sustaining his style calls for a stable income source.  I’ll explain. In this Nairobi of ours, as long as you are a guy, you could be a Nairobi City County Municipal Toilets cleaner, a HELB dependant, or even a Jubilee propagandist for all hunnies care. Provided you can afford two bottles of Tusker Malt and a pot of sheesha on a Friday night in some refurbished pub in the outskirts of Nairobi, you have no reasons to worry about the prevailing Nairobi cold nights. So when the rest of us (bachelors) go in the streets protesting and calling upon the government to increase night temperatures, you you just smile and silently pray that whoever touched unga and sugar prices with an evil hand doesn’t get a chance to tamper with prices of beer. That partly explains Jaymo’s kinda lifestyle.

Because Jaymo is a great guy, he manages himself without much strain. But just to prove that the world is probably not the fairest planet, he has so much relationship struggles too. He has NEVER got the hunnies he love. All these girls surrounding him are people that just happen to be a passing wind (his own sentiments). And for him to maintain his style and image, he has to engage in one or two hustles unknown to his pursuers. And this is where our story begins today.

There’s this one hunny that Jaymo has been chasing for quite some time now. She’s called Vicky. Jaymo says he goes cuckoo in her presence. She’s probably the reason for his living cause she makes him do incredible things whenever she’s around. Jaymo has employed thousands of tactics on her but none ever works. Seeing that campus hunnies love honk, he’s tried masquerading as a rich kid, which still never worked out. He’s even gone to the extent of telling her that Trump is his grandfather’s uncle just to prove a point but still Vicky is deaf to him. So Jaymo is left hoping that one day, the God that made Adam sleep and from his ribs create Eve, will one day bring Vicky to him.

Any campo guys here? Good, quite a number. Do you still recall the recent lecturers strike? Wasn’t it a tough moment to comrades that left campuses almost empty as guys decided to travel home and reunite with their families!  So when guys resolve to go home, Jaymo makes up his mind to remain in town for reasons best known to him. Do you guys know what happens when your parents realize that all other university guys in your hood are home apart from you? Well, you’ll have two options: you either relocate back home or remain where you are and cater for your own needs. Jaymo was just fine with the latter whatever the consequences. He decided he’d sought himself out until lectures resumed. He was in for any job provided it sustained him.

One of the available jobs around his digs was a three-floor building construction work. So before he could even give it a second thought, he was at the site by 6 a.m on day one ready for whatever the job entailed. Jaymo being unskilled, his duty was to supply building materials from point A to B.

On day three, Jaymo has just completed his hustle and is trekking home. Guy is so exhausted and sweaty. It’s 5:30 p.m. The sun is reddening and birds have started flying back to their residential apartments. Heavy traffic congestion along the road. Matatus are hooting and bus conductors grabbing travellers by their handbags. Jaymo surfaces in a green hoody. This hoody serves two purposes – first, it’s supposed to conceal the dust he’s accumulated the whole day though it even looks dusty than whatever it’s supposed to cover. Jaymo being a ladies man, the second purpose  of his jumper is to cover his face and conceal his identity as he walks back to his bedsitter after job lest he runs into one of his lovely babes who’ll wonder where he’s coming from cause that’s not the Jaymo they know.

He branches at some chemist to acquire painkillers to curb his headache, guess who he runs into?  Well,  because the world is another hell, there’s none else he’d bump into other than Vicky who knows him as a guy from Hardy Estate in Karen. They stare at each other for two complete minutes without any word.








17 thoughts on “Jaymo

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